i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
