when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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