just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
