Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is wine microwaveable?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
