Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I understand Curling. That high.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
