I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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