Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If that was your dad, he is hot
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
