So drunk its hurt
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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