mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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