forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
