Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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