It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
