Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
