Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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