I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
