That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize