Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
