The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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