the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
