I need to stop coming to work sober
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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