shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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