i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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