you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
