M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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