It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize