I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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