Don't you send me to vm
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
