We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
