There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
