I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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