He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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