How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
