last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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