Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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