I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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