got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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