would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
