you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
