Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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