mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
