So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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