At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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