That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
