Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm sobbing to NWA
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
