and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
