Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize