he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
