I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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