no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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