just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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