i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
