The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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