p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
