we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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