why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize