drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
