sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
