He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
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