i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
