just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
