I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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