You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
