Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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