And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
