i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
