It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
