You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
