So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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