I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize