'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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