turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
