Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
