so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
