note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
