yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
