So drunk its hurt
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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