Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize